They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
