I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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