Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
