Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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