Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize