There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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