I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
