Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
