I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you inspire me to be a worse person
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
