I just cut my nipple shaving
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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