There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
