I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she smelled like a LAN party
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize