I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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