I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
