just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
