I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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