You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize