i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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