its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
