I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
