dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
