just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
