Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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