Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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