Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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