You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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