The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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