this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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