Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize