I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
