Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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