her vagine was all disorganized.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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