with your own penis?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
