Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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