I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
