Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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