I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
