I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize