Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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