is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
