wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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