saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
