dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize