dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
