i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
How does one acquire holy water?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
