You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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