he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
