kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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