My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
