I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
