Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
