be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
