i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
