OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
