But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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