I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
