OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
