Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
