I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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