I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
