can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize