well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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