I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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