my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This house was built for laser tag.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
