actually, I'm a sock model
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize