just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
