We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
