I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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