Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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