Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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