Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
